John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
