I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
