eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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