in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
