life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
