when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
