During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i may or may not be watching the land before time
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
