i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
