You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
