how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
