Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
