Is it normal to miss your booty call?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
