Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
