what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
