Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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