Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
