Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
