running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
