everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
