remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
