remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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