I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
