i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
