i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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