I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.