after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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