I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby