meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
