I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
