Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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