Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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