i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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