If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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