just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
