Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
