the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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