If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
