I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
