what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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