I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
