what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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