names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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