why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
