we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
