theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
