We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
