I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
