DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
