YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
