ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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