Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
