so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
