Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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