i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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