I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
