Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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