i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it was like eating out sand paper
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When are your genitals available?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
