I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
