If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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