4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
