I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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