So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
areolas are like halos for boobs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
