i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
