Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
