and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
