i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
