If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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