kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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