how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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