thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am naked and annoyed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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