I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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