How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
