3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
then he tried to convert me to islam
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
