just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
