They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
