You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
