Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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