I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
