Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
