Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
