Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
