we're blogging at a bar
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
