This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
