Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
vagina is talking i cant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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